I am in the age of the question, “When are you having more kids?” The looks of horror I get when I tell them that my husband and I are not having more kids are quite funny to me. Our daughter is our greatest blessing but if we would have had a boy as a first born I would probably be more apt to try for one more child. We have plenty of other reasons as to why our family is perfect the way that it is, but one of the reasons is that I do not deal with girl drama.
Having a sweet, brilliant little girl has been amazing. It has been like dressing a real live doll. We bond over clothes shopping, nail appointments, girlie movies, and dance class. She is about to turn 5 and head into Kindergarten this fall and I already am dreading the drama. Girls in general are incredibly emotional, irrational, self-involved, insecure, jealous beings but couple that with the hands off, lazy, finger-pointing parenting these days and this generation has disaster written all over it.
Recently, my 4 year old has been getting acclimated to being with older kids at her new school, as when she goes into Kindergarten she will be grouped with the school age kids. She has been rather worried about being around the “big kids” and I work on reassuring her daily that they are no different, no smarter, no better than she is, that she can keep up with them, and truth be told she actually can. She has a better perception, emotional intelligence and self awareness than most kids much older than her. It is both a gift and downfall I had as a child as well.
Yesterday, finding out that one of the older girls called my 4 year old “Stupid,” after my mom had picked her up automatically increased my body temperature. We rarely use the word “stupid” in our house, and it is never used to describe a child. Adult behavior? Why yes, that is the best terminology I can use to describe some adults without using profanity. Anyways, I soon found out that I was more affected by it than my daughter. She merely brought it up as something that happened in her day, she was not affected by it or even felt that this “big girls” opinion had any bearing on her being.
All the while my mind was racing on what I would have told my daughter was affected by this little simpleton’s remark such as, “Oh she’s probably upset because she’s being raised by pigs/animals.” Yeah…that is the mean spirited mean girl of my own who comes flying out when someone messes with my child and while it is the first line that usually comes to my head out of anger, it is never conveyed to my child. These thoughts are just for me because I know nasty language is not the way to win a battle of wit.
In all actuality, my daughter “Won” this battle by merely looking at this child, smiling and walking away to play with other friends. She rendered me useless. She needed no words of wisdom from me, and believe me, I had them…nice ones too I promise. That act in itself reinforced that what my husband and I are teaching her is far greater than any snappy comebacks or as I have frequently used in my less enlightened days…verbal kill shots.
I have been known to mentally dismantle people, never for fun, but because I felt that anyone who wanted to start something better knew that they weren’t going to finish it, I was. When I did every ounce of dynamite I had in my being would be put towards demolishing this person. While I succeeded, despite the fact that they started it and I should feel vindicated, I never did. I felt like they still won because I let them get the best of me. I wasn’t secure enough to just laugh it off and let it go, because in true reality who were they and what did they matter anyways?
There are always going to be “mean girls.” For the sheer fact that all of those vices I listed before are ingrained in us and amplified by bad examples set by parents. Parents teach their kids to bully either directly or indirectly. That is not going to be my example.
I believe my husband and my examples truly align between what we tell our daughter and how our actions towards her, each other and outsiders are. Otherwise, we would have a rude, materialistic, entitled little brat on our hands. She is nothing of the sort. She is everything you would want a little girl to be and more. Not a mean girl, not a victim…just a sweet, happy, adjusted, smart little girl, and I am pretty proud of that.