“10 Reasons Why Living in Filth is A-ok.” “Why being an alcoholic parent is character building for your child.” “Who needs emotional intelligence, when you can deny, blame & scapegoat your way out of everything.”
Since becoming a parent, I get drawn into these catchy headlines in regard to child rearing. You know how some people sit and watch daytime TV smut and eat bon-bons? Well…perhaps this is my own personal form of “entertainment” in between house cleaning/organizing, cooking, shuttling to private school, practices, play dates, taking care of my husband and running a multi-million dollar real estate business. I’m allowed a weakness right?!
A lot of the stuff published out there these days are merely the opinions of others and I see them as that, just like what I write is my opinion but why the need to draw conclusions that any one methodology is better than another, especially when it downright bashes another traditional ideology that for a lot of folks, works? Why do we romanticize lazy? So many folks are shy to a little hard work and elbow grease, it’s much easier to sit around a point at others who are “killing it” and try to rationalize everything about them to make you feel better about your downright laziness.
The “underachiever” mom models these days spend their time bashing parents who are highly involved, meticulous in their organization, grooming and manners and their children that follow suit.
They put it out there for the masses that “It’s okay” to be the parent who slides into school screaming at their children, (Possibly hung over from whatever last nights binge was), the children sloppily put together, no doubt attributed to the parent’s lack of pride in their own presentation. Their child suffers, whether they choose to see it or not and it is ultimately the parent’s lack of planning or ability to get out of bed that creates the tardiness.
These same parents are too lazy and self centered to be excited about birthday parties, school events, extracurricular activities. We get it…you’re pissed off that you drive a mini van, that you even have to deal with these “annoying little lives” that were possibly a result of a drunken night with their cheating husband whom they were desperately trying to keep from leaving, maybe it was a one night stand, maybe you just had a kid because all the cool kids were doing it. Either way, we get it, we get it. You’re edgy, and not giving a f*ck is the perceived “new cool.” You even brag about “yelling” at your children when in reality it just shows your own lack of authority in your family if the only way you can reach your child is by yelling. But guess what?
While you spend your time defending your actions/inaction and complaining about all those “pretentious perfect parents out there” and how “you’re never going to be like them” your kids are neglected and lashing out because 1.) They see you do it and think that it is a way of life, “complain until you get what you want or just sit around feeling sorry for yourself until someone takes pity on you 2.) They need attention, plain and simple, children thrive on whatever kind of attention they get and their temperament goes the direction of that “attention” either positive or negative 3.) Make excuses for their behavior instead of acknowledging or changing it. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge even exists as a problem.
These are the folks being featured in “Parenting” magazines/blogs/you name it? Like we need any more reason to believe being a lazy/disillusioned parent is “A-0k?” Have you seen some of the miscreant children out there these days? It’s time for a keep-it-real intervention or in some cases, sterilization.
Funnily enough, overachiever parents don’t waste their time trying to call you out on your self perceived ineptitude as a parent or human being for that matter. Chances are, we don’t even notice or if we do…We’re all too busy focusing on the little lives that we’ve lovingly created with the spouses we love (albeit want to murder sometimes, but would miss too much) and actually enjoy taking care of, providing for and making traditions and memories with.
Your nasty attitude towards parents like us comes from a feeling of negative self worth and lack of emotional intelligence. If you’re aware of your feelings towards others, perhaps you need to take a little more time to find out why you even care?
Why does what Jane does or how Jane dresses or how blessed their family is even register with you on a level where you are bitter about it? Some folks don’t lead the perfect lives that you’ve built up in your own head. But they also aren’t going to go around bringing people down with their hardships. Everyone you meet is fighting their own battles. Chances are, most of us overachievers, learned to grin a bear hardships and they don’t affect us on the daily because we know that they are a part of life and bring us personal growth. We’re looking for the silver lining, as there always is one, even if it comes in the form on a lesson.
Sadly, no amount of bashing loving, traditional parents (much less anyone) will bring you any satisfaction or peace. If you cannot afford the big birthday parties, vacations, extracurricular activities, a frank conversation with your children about your family’s financial restrictions at an age appropriate level probably needs to take place or guess what? Get a job, create a business, do whatever you need to do to feel better about yourself! Children need honesty from you, just like they need set boundaries, otherwise the sense of entitlement and over inflated ego’s run rampant.
If none of these options seems attractive to you, your self hatred is going to keep fueling your own nastiness and continue to plague your children and make them incredibly bitter later in life when they have to drag their hung-over-selves out of bed, put on whatever doesn’t smell like B.O. and is covered with pet hair and is lying on the floor and show up to work for the children of the “overachiever” parents that you hate so dearly.